Having a depressed child is a major concern for parents but it’s confusing because it’s often seen as an adult’s disease. But the truth is ill-being and depression affect children and teenagers too. It’s important not to forget it or you’ll just ignore your child’s depression. First I’d like to make a list of the symptoms to look for in your child’s behavior in order to determine whether he’s a depressed child. You may already have done that but it’s never useless to repeat it:
- Irritability, anger, boredom
- Change in sleep, appetite, weight, concentration
- Not playful, isolated
- Behavior change in activities, relationships
- Outbursts, crying
- Low self-esteem, makes negative self comment
- Extreme fears, anxiety, paranoia
- Talks about death (”I wish I was dead/never born”)
If those symptoms last more than 2 weeks, it is very likely a depression. Of course, knowing the cause will give you clues to change things. I’m talking about family members’ conflicts that can make children feeling guilty and/or rejected. Do what you can to improve these situations if you feel it has something to do with this. The school and home environment of a depressed child have to be evaluated too. Some teachers, friends, can give an objective opinion on your child’s behavioral changes. But there are things you can do and it goes without saying that starting to act upon your child’s depression will make it shorter and prevent it to come back again. It has to be treated when the very first signs appear.
Here are the 5 steps to deal with a depressed child:
1. Reassure your child. He probably thinks he’s crazy, not normal. Tell him that it’s normal to fell deep sadness when we live difficult things but some of us have a disease that prevents them from recovering easily from that sadness. Give him the right to feel what he feels or he’ll just hide his ill-being from you.
2. Never minimize what your child is going through. Objectivity doesn’t matter, but only how he perceives things and feels about them. What seems small and unimportant to you can make a strong impression on your child and lead to depression.
3. Don’t try to protect your child by hiding things. Always tell him the truth, with chosen words of course. Children can face pain sometimes better than us. Anyway, they don’t like feeling betrayed or not trusted.
4. Talk about depression with him. Put words on it, explain how it works, what your child feels and why. It’s a deep discomfort for a depressed child not to know what is happening to him. Choose your words, depending on his age but talk about it. When he’ll know what he “has”, he’ll feel less guilty, less abnormal, on the path to healing.
5. Get professional help (counselor, therapist) or apply a parenting method/program.
Medications won’t help your depressed child. No good studies have been done on the subject and the FDA even state that antidepressant medications can increase the risk of suicidal behavior in children and teenagers.
About parenting methods or programs, I’d like to tell you that they can be an excellent alternative to counseling. Much cheaper too and as efficient if not more. There’s a resource I’d like to share with you that can help you with your depressed child by giving you the parenting help you need. It has been created by a group of parents who gathered their experiences and made a selection of the most efficient parenting programs they used with their children. The reviews they wrote are clear and help knowing how each program can help you. The website is friendly and very helpful. It did help me and their message of hope and the real solutions they talk about is probably just what you need. Good communications tools, easy-to-apply methods.
As they say: “You can hope again!”
Just like adults, young children and teenagers can get depressed and their ill-being has to be taken seriously and treated. This is why recognizing depression symptoms in a child early enough can really help your depressed child getting over his depression. If untreated, the depression will come back again. First you need to know what to look for, pay attention to the symptoms that might appear in your child’s behavior.
Here’s a list of symptoms to look for in a depressed child or teen (not necessarily all of them together):
- Disturbed sleep (sleeplessness or daytime sleepiness), appetite (decreased or increased), concentration
- Child not playful, lonely teen
- Feels angry and/or bored, is irritable
- Low self-esteem, negative self comment
- Talks about death (says things like “I wish I was never born / was dead”)
- Weight changes
- Change in social activities and interactions (friends and parent-child relationships)
- Crying and outbursts
- Anxiety, extreme fears, paranoia
Please note that a depressed child or teen would probably be unable to say he’s sad or depressed but rather that he is bored, angry, not happy.
Of course, some of these symptoms can occur not because your child is depressed but just as a normal reaction to something upsetting. That’s why you need to check how long it lasts. If it lasts more than 2 weeks, it’s more likely to be a depression.
Your behavior and actions toward your depressed child are very important. Your understanding too. Indeed, you need to evaluate his school and home environment to see what started the depression. It goes without saying that conflicts between the family members can have a strong impact on children who can feel guilty/rejected. So if you know the cause and can do something about it, do it.
Now here’s what you can do to help your depressed child:
• Reassure him about his depression. Tell him he’s not crazy or abnormal. It is perfectly normal to feel sad when we face a sad situation. It’s just that some people have a disease that makes it harder for them to recover from such sadness. Give him the right to have these feelings or he might hide them.
• Always try to imagine how he perceives the world and how certain things can seem small to you and not to him such as the loss of a pet or a remark made by a friend. Give him the time to grieve and never minimize what he’s going through.
• Tell the truth, always. Hiding it doesn’t protect your child and doesn’t help him feel trusted and able to get over things with your help.
• Talk to your child about depression, how it works, what he feels and why. Tell him who he can talk to (you, a favorite uncle, teacher, etc…)
• Seek professional help such as a counselor or therapist, or apply a parenting method.
I don’t recommend the resort to drugs for your depressed child. Antidepressant medications can increase the risk of suicidal behavior in children and teenagers, as stated by the FDA.
But I can tell you a few words about parenting methods you might want to apply. Indeed, some parenting programs have been created to improve relationships with children and help them live happily and in a healthy way. They provide efficient and easy-to-apply advices and communication tools for you to solve all the problems your child and yourself might be facing, such as depression.
I recommend a very friendly and helpful website that gives great parenting help. It has been created by a group of parents who selected the best parenting programs, which worked for them, and the reviews give a clear picture of how each program can help you. It’s a perfect way for you to act upon the situation and get your depressed child out of his ill-being. It did help me and I’m glad to share this resource with you.
As they say, “You can hope again”. I know you can.
RSS FEED
