Kids lying is a frequent problem. Yet it has to be taken seriously in order to make it stop. As with others kids behavior problems, the most important thing is to understand what causes such behavior. Also, we as parents should never forget that our kids are kids and they therefore don’t lie the way we do. Kids lying imitate a lot but don’t have the same intentions as we do. If I’m talking about imitation first it’s to remind you (and myself!) that your behavior is taken as a role model by your child and that’s why it’s so important to watch our words and behavior with our children.
But kids lying don’t always imitate their parents or brothers and sisters. The cause can be different. Before I tell you about the 5 ways to solve this problem, I want you to be aware of the major difference between a child who lies to hide something he did wrong and a child who lies when he makes up stories to draw attention.
Here are the top 5 ways to solve kids lying problem:
1. Stop asking what you already know. Saying “Did you do this?” when you know he did is just giving him a chance to lie. Just say what you know very clearly. You know the truth, tell the truth and punish what has to be punished. Playing with that truth can only bring confusion.
2. Don’t be angry, don’t yell at your kid when you catch him lying or discover he lied. Your anger is the very reason why your kid is lying, what he wants to avoid by all means. Reacting with anger can only push him to keep lying. So keep your voice low and ask why he lied. He needs your help getting rid of this behavior.
3. If your child is making up stories and have a lot of imagination, don’t try to make him stop. His imagination is a very good thing. Still, you need to teach him the difference between what is real and what is pretended. You can set aside times for imaginary play to make him stop telling lies when he’s not playing.
4. Always insist on what honesty and truth can bring (trust, independence…) and what lies bring too (no punishment until the truth is found and eventually more privileges taken away as the truth is always found).
5. When your child tells a lie, give him a chance to reconsider his answer and to take 5 seconds before answering. Give him that chance to stop his habit with no consequences for him if he says the truth right after. Reward his efforts toward being truthful.
Kids lying is not easy to handle especially when it had become a habit in your child or teen. Such a behavior sometimes hides another problem such as low self-esteem. Every problem has to be taken seriously to prevent it to become much harder to solve. But there’s hope because you can easily learn how to communicate better with your child. There’s a helpful and friendly website I know and recommend which gives the parenting help you need. It has been created by a group of parents who tested and selected different parenting programs. Their reviews make very clear how each program can help you. Kids lying is one of the many situations covered by these programs. I’m a mom, not a therapist and I can say it really did help me and I’m glad to share this resource with you!
Kids lying don’t necessarily have a serious problem. Indeed, most kids lie at least once. What is very important is to define what kind of lies your kid tells. That way you can know how serious this is. It of course also depends on your child’s age.
Basically, there are two reasons why kids are lying. First, they have a strong imagination and are making up stories. Second, they lie out of fear of being punished or yelled at when they know they did something wrong.
Kids lying problem is a bit tricky because it appears on different levels in children behavior. But there are different things you can do to help your child get rid of this behavior:
• Don’t give your child a chance to lie. In other words, don’t ask what you already know. If your child obviously took a cookie even though he wasn’t allowed to, don’t ask: “Did you take a cookie?”. You’ll push your kid to lie. Just say: “You have chocolate smears on your mouth. I told you not to take a cookie and you did it anyway without asking me!”
• When your child lies to you and you know he does, don’t get angry, you’ll make your child lie more. The fear of your angry reaction is exactly the reason why your child is lying to you. Listening and keeping your voice down is very important to understand the causes and be able to help your child stop lying. It’s also a better way to get the truth.
• Kids lying to draw attention by making up stories have to be handled differently. Indeed, very imaginative children shouldn’t be neglected. You need to make the difference between reality and fiction very clear. You can take TV and books as examples of what is real and what is pretended. Also, it’s a good idea to set aside times for imaginary play with dress-up costumes and accessories to differentiate fiction from reality without bridling his imagination.
• It’s important that you make truth and honesty a major principle in your family and education. Kids lying by habit often over-predict their parents’ reaction. That is why it’s very important that you provide clear boundaries but insist on the fact that they are negotiable and that it’s always better to tell the truth rather than a lie in the long run.
• Give your child the chance to reconsider his answer after saying an obvious lie and tell him there will be no consequences if he tells the truth right now. Reward honesty. Reverse the process: if you “catch” your child telling the truth, he’ll be rewarded with something he likes doing. He’ll soon see the good consequences of being honest.
Kids lying need an extra attention and help and don’t need to be yelled at. It’s difficult to measure the seriousness of such a problem. You might be interested by other parenting solutions, especially if the lying problem isn’t the only one you’re facing with your child or if it’s a compulsive behavior.
I’d like to recommend a website that gives great parenting help. It’s a very friendly website created by a group of parents who decided to make a selection of the best parenting programs they tested. They bring a real message of hope and the reviews really help see clearly how each program can help you. It did help me and I’m glad to share this resource and those tips with you. I hope it’ll help you!
Kids lying problem is not a fatality!
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